Posted 20 hours ago

Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life: The Chump Lady's Survival Guide

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Joined in 2023

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I am able to step out of my own head and realize that what I wanted to happen for reconciliation in my marriage is not going to happen. There are other issues worth considering if that person is going to learn from their failure and move toward change, whether or not the marriage survives. I will in the future be free of unforgiveness and what they did for harm will become my greatest blessing.

While I encourage open, honest dialogue when there is disagreement, there should be some attempt to do so with respect and a willingness to listen. Another stated, "The pain I feel now after my husband's affair is worse than the discovery of my daughter's molestation. So there are three camps: those who attempt, those who ignore, and those who actually do experience a humble, lasting remorse.

I recently recommended this book to a friend and he had the same reactions that I did to the content. The book is based on the stark polarity of 'right wrong' 'saint sinner' 'good bad'-with no in between. It takes hard work from both sides and a lot of communication but I can confidently say that our relationship is much better now than it was prior to discovery.

Your cheater had an entire decision tree of options, beginning with difficult conversations, therapy, and divorce lawyers.The writings contain some manipulative writing tactics and psychological triggers/hooks to get readers to fall for it. I can't believe I gave him 5 months (all of Covid-19 lockdown, thanks 2020) to dither over a decision about our marriage, so glad I finally took control and made it for myself. When you ask us to parse and seek to "understand" cheaters you are in effect asking to look at the marriage and see where the non-cheating spouse can be blamed. You feel better for a little bit because endorphins are released then a few days later you are back to being unhappy its similar to a coffee high,the effect only lasts a short while.

The key question I would ask myself is if I'd be willing to share this book with someone I know who's in the midst of an infidelity situation. I know it is empowering to embrace justice and agree that many betrayed spouses SHOULD be taking a much stronger stand for their own well-being, but there is a way to balance grace and justice. Why did it send you into this line of work to preach to others something that you were unable to accomplish? But if the marriage is going to heal, then the betrayed partner will want to understand these vulnerabilities as well.Bottom line is both people have to work on the marriage to get over an affair because there were cracks in the marriage. Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life is a no-nonsense self-help guide for anyone who has ever been cheated on.

When it comes to cheating, a lot of the attention is focused on cheaters -- their unmet needs or their challenges with monogamy. Here’s a book about infidelity that is not about saving your marriage single-handedly — it’s about saving your sanity. Somehow they convince themselves that they can cheat and it is important for the wayward spouse to remember that it is this 'convincing' that causes them to cheat not something the betrayed spouse ever did.I’d like to review this book by pointing out my primary agreements and disagreements with its author, and who I believe will be helped or hindered by reading it.

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